Royal Enfield : A Disastrous Crush

You know how it feels to get out of the friendzone from your crush? No? Okay then, go ahead and buy a Royal Enfield bike because it feels the same. A good day of 1st November witnessed me making one the biggest mistakes of my life with a broad smile on face. I brought a Classic 350 home. Never knew life will go down this way after that.

14th chain cover broken due to vibrations




And 4 air filter locks have also lost their lives due to constant high speed vibrations
Constant engine oil leakage is the mandatory mensuration cycle for bike

It’s been 4 years and 53,000 kms on it and believe me, it’s the most under-engineered bikes in the market as well as segment. Pure metal everywhere, unnecessary & bulky parts, under-engineered & the feel of holding a vibrating dildo in your hands comes right away through the handle. Ridiculously expensive to maintain and constant defeats in street battles with 100cc commuter bikes is another discouragement to buy one of these.

Faulty wiring often leads to deafening of horn
And the constantly rusting front disc


Even mechanics failed to find out what went wrong with petrol T, leaking like hell !

Thump sound, swag quotient & the masculinity attached with it at most of the times provide a false perception to buyers of owing one of the best machines in the world. Yes i know your father/grandfather owned one or you dreamt of owing one in adulthood but is it necessary to cut off your male genital by buying one?

Every month i buy tiger lamp bulbs like candies, fusing is a daily phenomenon
Rusting is now visible at most of the underbody & sophisticated areas
A lovely goodbye to the OEM seat cover

Okay, i’m being very very anti to the bike while i own one. Now read this carefully. At present a new engine kit, a new chain set, a new petrol T, a new speed master, a new center bolt for T joint, a new carb are waiting to go down. 53,000 kms is an average mileage for a 4 year old bike owned by a motorcycling enthusiast but till now i have nearly spent more than 60K bucks just to ensure that it keeps running.

Key hole has gone loose
1 of the 2 exhaust bend pipe welds has broken
Center bolt of handle T looses off everytime you hit a strong pothole

Faulty electricals, body bashing vibrations, powerless “BHP” figures and a sweet candy on the name of torque is what you’ll deal mechanically everyday. And while you’ll be waiting at a red light thinking to fill up the tank again after just 200 kms, you still sit straight as fuck to ensure the girl half of your age looking at your bike finds you and your masculinity interesting.

Argh, love mountains? Don’t take this please. I mean it’s a request. Bro, no power you know. Keep the throttle twisted and the engine at redline to keep it moving on a good wide tarmac at high altitudes. And while you’re struggling to do that please don’t forget to miss out that KTM owner going on power wheelies during the overtakes. You know it’s still an entertainment for you.

Well after so much of back bitching of this bike, why do i still own one? I don’t even ride with groups, i don’t possess the ‘REGULAR BULLET OWNER ATTITUDE’, i smile at every biker & i hate the cons (as pros are very less) associated with this bike and still i do own one. It’s not the brilliant ride quality, or the classic looks and the pantie wetting sex appeal from the bike that makes me keep it but the cult of it. Yes it’s a piece of engineering crap and a flying dildo is more sexier than this two wheeled poop but at the end of the day it’s the heart here that keep you loving it. Those misfires from the exhaust, that wide fuel tank with hand painted lines all over the body and those utterly sexy tiger eye lamps everything will just make you want it more.

If i’m given the same amount to buy a bike, I WILL NOT BUY IT but still i’ll admire the history and cult related to the brand and this bike. May it be Punjabi songs or the Bollywood movies, Royal Enfield, has always found a place in heart of Indians and that’s what is letting company enjoy a good taste of waiting periods all over their range of bikes.

Wonderland trips are always fun with it 

So after bearing it for 4 years, should i tell you that i’ll keep it running and enjoying the tensed and stress filled road trips? Yes, because that’s what i love about it. A bad carb, an engine problem in a sub-urb that’s 1100 kms from home has taught me that life is hard but not impossible. This bike here has taught me to live on, it has taught me to struggle unlike a plastic bike that teaches you the only easy ways to live and ride. Unnecessary mechanical problems are a part of Royal Enfield, engraved in it to teach generations how to survive in this world of easiness. It’s all about the perspective you know. I took it the positive way and it helped me at every stepping stone of mental peace. That’s what biking is meant for right?


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